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Delliya Zain

Lost and found

The Lost and found
by Delliya Zain
Dec 2004

I know I found ‘it’
When I stop searching.

I am searching for ‘it’
Coz I have lost ‘it’….

It has always been mine
it has always been there
where I first found ‘it’

Did ‘it’ gone missing?
Or was it me who
Forgets and got lost?

I keep on searching and searching
Only to know that
It was never lost
It has always been there..

It is the never ending love of Ash!

Finders keepers!

(sorry mana boleh share)

Confused

by Delliya Zain

Dec 2004 

Feeling like an idiot
Feeling like a fool
Feeling so lonely
In my own web
construct by me

I don’t know why
I did the things I did.
I don’t know why
I did not do the things
I was supposed to do.

Waiting for something
to happen
Waiting for something
to take charge
Waiting for this moment
to go away….. forever.
Waiting for the unknown
Is like waiting in the dark alone.
Wondering could it ever get worst?

I am full of waste
I am full of sins
Nothing I do is good
Nothing I do seems even close to right.

Questions keep playing in my head.
Instead of answers to my questions
I end up with more questions
to my never ending questions.

Who am I?
How did I get myself here?
Would I ever learn from my mistake?

Confused?
Nope.
Just plain stupid.

Why don’t you just hit me
and wake me up
from this dreadful dream.

Oh.. how I wish it is just a dream.

My mission

I want you to know
That my mission in life
is hunt you down.

My mission created by you
is to make you regret
the things you did
that make me cry.

I will never let you
get away with all those lies
I will never forget
what u did to make me
feel small, useless and ugly.

My mission is
to prove you wrong!
My mission is
to make your feel sorry
for the things u did!

From now on
you are my
Favourite enemy.

(kau ingat kau bagus?!!!)
this is dedicated to my friends who got hurt recently…
hang in there!!!

bReaKinG uP - SuCks

breaking up
by delliya zain
october 2004

breaking up hurts the most when
a few days before the BREAK UP
you and the one who ditched you
were having so much fun
you did not see it coming at all.

breaking up hurts the most when
you have made so much sacrifice
to move to another country,
change your job,
loose your friends,
in the name of LOVE
only to know he or she is leaving you for
some stupid reason or worst ‘person’.

breaking up hurts the most when
you love that person so much
you believe in him or her,
you accept himor her as for who he or she is,
you would do anything for him/her,
however he or she would not do the same for you.

breaking up hurts the most when
all those beautiful, passionate and loving words
were only lies to keep you with himor her
for his or her own advantage.

breaking up hurts the most when
you suddenly woke up from the wonderful world
of deceitfulness,
only to discover that you have been fooled and
your hearts crushed into pieces
that makes you feel so stupid,
you loose all your confidence towards life,
and you feel everyone else is lucky but not you.

breaking up hurts the most when
the person you thought were your best friend
the one you trust
the one you rely on
turns out to be your enemy

breaking up hurts the most when
after all the time that has been spent together
after all those hearts to hearts talk
after the huge sum of phone bills
he or she have the nerve to
N O T  b r e a k   u p  with you face to face

other example via
note, phone, on the phone msg, text msg, email, to your secretary, by a friend or worst not saying anything at all

I dedicate this
Emotional Feelings
to my dearest friend in Oxford
she is a wonderful and strong women
i know she will get what she wants in life
all this shit happens for a reason
and the reason would only be for the best.

luv dee

Growing Up

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Growing Up.(by delliya zain)
JULY 2004

Once upon a time when I was younger,
I always feel that being 25(age) or more
would be the age when I have control of my life.

Unfortunately at this very moment
I am confused, depress, lost and out of control.
Yet I am learning from all this "shit".

I know there would be sunshine after the rain!!!
I am patiently waiting for it to happen.

But I have learnt.

Making decision is easy.
But making the right one is the hardest.
It takes a lot of risk.
It just depends on how we handle the risk.
Or how much risk we are willing to take.
Lots of consideration must be taken.

When you gain some.
You’ll lose some.
I lost a lot!!

I miss Aberdeen and my dearest friends.
Aberdeen is a peaceful and friendly place.
Just like in a fairy tale.
Had friends that treat me like family.
We had fun together and we cried together.

Yet, I left.
I left the ever so perfect environment
of faithful and fun friends.
To an environment so evil.

Maybe that’s why it’s red. (Manchester)
Nope, I do like Manchester.
I just haven’t found the right
people to be with I guess.

I know I can’t please everyone.
Yet I won’t hurt anyone on purpose.

It’s hard being alone in strange new place.

Some people like me.
And some don’t. (Doesn’t matter)
If they take some time to get to know me
I know they’ll enjoy being my friend.
But if they don’t get to know me at all,
Yet hate me, I pity them.
It shows that person’s personality
and I don’t think I want to be friends
with those people.

People talk.
So when they talk
What ever I do
will still be wrong.
So I’ll play dumb.

I know what have happened to me
would make me a better person
and stronger.

I am also thankful that I have met
With some people that trust me.
Care for me and gave me a job,
which caused chaos to my life.

Yet it’s a blessing in disguised.
(hope so)

I can only plan my journey.
But Allah makes it happens or not.

I hope this phase of life
will be over soon.
InsyakAllah

It is just part of growing up.

[03 Sep 2004 | Friday] THe ReaSoN

- HooBaSTaNK dedicated to my love ashreen

THe ReaSoN - HooBaSTaNK

I’m not a perfect person

There’s many things I wish I didn’t do

But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know I’ve found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you It’s something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear I’ve found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is You

[x4] I’m not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know I’ve found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show A side of me you didn’t know

A reason for all that I do And the reason is you